Most Magazines Really Suck
We have mags that tell us to love our bodies as they are, complete with a size zero emaciated greyhounds wearing lipstick and bikinis on every second page. There are periodicals full of useless information about celebs and luminaries to divert us from the real issues - our own lives. What about teen mags that promote way too much information about womanhood? And what's with the blue euphemism that is poured onto sanitary pads. What is that stuff? Then there are my favorites - the sad mags.
These mags have names such as Sh** Happens! and Time Out! I perused one and after counting 286 exclamation marks by page 4, I nearly lost interest. However the magazine had puzzles and I looked forward to a challenging cryptic crossword, only to be confronted with two minute wonders which if completed could land you a tidy sum of money, gifts or a car. All you need to do is fill in the blue bits.
Back to the excessive punctuation. What are the editors thinking? Do the readers of these magazines shout at each other when they chat in their day to day lives?
The worst part about these vile publications is the fact that the readers can publish their trivial, insignificant dirty laundry and get paid cold, hard CASH!!!!!!!!! Yes, if you tell the whole nation about your sordid, tawdry and repulsive past you too could be $500 RICHER!!!!!!!!!!!
I remember the New Age periodicals from the 1970s which my parents subscribed to. They had names like Living Easy and Nature Consciousness. They were glossy and were complete with dancing dolphins, requisite rainforests and the worst of the worst, the ubiquitous rainbow. I detested the nutrition pages and my 8th birthday was the pits. A bran and currant cake drizzled with lashings of sugar-free apple juice and 100% wheatgerm lollipops. Oh, and filtered fresh water. My presents were filtered likewise. I wanted that Barbie doll. I wanted to stick her head first in the bowl of Pal on the back steps.
I don't mind magazines that appeal to an audience of modern scientists and conspiratorialists. At least they leave the deductions to the calculating intelligence of the individual who reads them.
I've saved the most deplorable magazine for last. It has a name that sounds like Dustbusters and it is an effective way to teach the world how to enmesh their psyches in things that don't matter, which is not their actual objective. It tells us how our Mental Environment is tarnished by advertising and brainwashing. It promotes subvertising, which is yet another clever way to sell a burger. It tells us that if we were not born in a pool in our parent's living room and home-schooled, then we are stuffed for life. It is also a perfect educational tool for the marketing students all over the world. How advertising numbs people's intelligence and sexualizes everything in our faces. How stupid do they think the world is? Don't get me wrong, these people have their opinions and I respect that but when they are telling the world that we don't need psychoactive drugs, they could eventually lose a huge proportion of their readership. They hate all drugs, legal as well as illegal.
I have been on drugs for 12 years. I have tried and tested so many drugs that I have lost count. Have they been tested efficiently and ethically? No. Do they have potentially lethal side-effects? Absolutely. Are they marketed as the universal panacea for everybody's mental and emotional ills? You'd better believe it!
I think I am a pretty fabulous individual and if I didn't take these drugs when I started to, I would be dead now.
These mags have names such as Sh** Happens! and Time Out! I perused one and after counting 286 exclamation marks by page 4, I nearly lost interest. However the magazine had puzzles and I looked forward to a challenging cryptic crossword, only to be confronted with two minute wonders which if completed could land you a tidy sum of money, gifts or a car. All you need to do is fill in the blue bits.
Back to the excessive punctuation. What are the editors thinking? Do the readers of these magazines shout at each other when they chat in their day to day lives?
- HEY I SAVED $50 THIS WEEK BY NOT DRIVING THE CAR!!!!!!!!!
- MY GREAT GRANDMOTHER MADE HER WEDDING DRESS FROM A PARACHUTE AND I WORE IT AT MY WEDDING!!!!!!!!!!
- WE TRAVELLED AROUND AFRICA ON A TANDEM BIKE!!!!!!!!!
The worst part about these vile publications is the fact that the readers can publish their trivial, insignificant dirty laundry and get paid cold, hard CASH!!!!!!!!! Yes, if you tell the whole nation about your sordid, tawdry and repulsive past you too could be $500 RICHER!!!!!!!!!!!
I remember the New Age periodicals from the 1970s which my parents subscribed to. They had names like Living Easy and Nature Consciousness. They were glossy and were complete with dancing dolphins, requisite rainforests and the worst of the worst, the ubiquitous rainbow. I detested the nutrition pages and my 8th birthday was the pits. A bran and currant cake drizzled with lashings of sugar-free apple juice and 100% wheatgerm lollipops. Oh, and filtered fresh water. My presents were filtered likewise. I wanted that Barbie doll. I wanted to stick her head first in the bowl of Pal on the back steps.
I don't mind magazines that appeal to an audience of modern scientists and conspiratorialists. At least they leave the deductions to the calculating intelligence of the individual who reads them.
I've saved the most deplorable magazine for last. It has a name that sounds like Dustbusters and it is an effective way to teach the world how to enmesh their psyches in things that don't matter, which is not their actual objective. It tells us how our Mental Environment is tarnished by advertising and brainwashing. It promotes subvertising, which is yet another clever way to sell a burger. It tells us that if we were not born in a pool in our parent's living room and home-schooled, then we are stuffed for life. It is also a perfect educational tool for the marketing students all over the world. How advertising numbs people's intelligence and sexualizes everything in our faces. How stupid do they think the world is? Don't get me wrong, these people have their opinions and I respect that but when they are telling the world that we don't need psychoactive drugs, they could eventually lose a huge proportion of their readership. They hate all drugs, legal as well as illegal.
I have been on drugs for 12 years. I have tried and tested so many drugs that I have lost count. Have they been tested efficiently and ethically? No. Do they have potentially lethal side-effects? Absolutely. Are they marketed as the universal panacea for everybody's mental and emotional ills? You'd better believe it!
I think I am a pretty fabulous individual and if I didn't take these drugs when I started to, I would be dead now.
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